my new favoite quote

"If you speak you die
If you stay silent you die
Speak and die."

a gypsy in the camps

Death

My granddaughters mother Mandy called me this morning. Mandy's father shot himself last night.
Apparently he suffered from chronic pain but because of his history as an addict the doctors were unwilling to help him.
So he died alone in a not very well kept studio apartment in Dallas Texas. Talking about adding insult to injury.. His brother found him. He said it looked like a scene from a Quentin Tarantino movie.
I never met him but Mandy said he was alot like me. Then she listed off many fine qualities that he had ...the only one I thought applied to me was tht he was also an artist but I was flattered that she thinks so highly of me and grateful that she felt like she could turn to me for help which as it turned out she didn't need from me but it was the thought that warms me.
But it really pisses me off that this bloody country and these self righteous doctors can decide who suffers and who doesn't based on their own particular set of morality.
It's ok to drink yourself to death and ok to ruin your lungs and anyone else around you as in your innocent children but it is not ok to ask for relief from pain.
As one who suffers from pain I can attest to how difficult it makes day to day living. I choose not to take the pain killers that have been prescribed to me because I don't like them but I dread the day when I have to take them to survive because that will no doubt be when I am told I can't have them anymore because now I really need them.
Idiots.

I have been slandered!

Open letter to Randy Walker

President of the Newport Farmers Market

Randy: On 10/31/2009 at our annual meeting you sat before a crowded room of vendors only some of whom know me personally and indulged yourself in what I can only describe as a vitriolic character assignation on me. I was considering suing you but instead I have decided to take a page from you and use a public forum to respond.

You first went off on a rambling diatribe about how you and your wife belong to a small volunteer fire department and in a nut shell there were all these trouble makers , at first you were deceived and eventually you came to your senses and the people were kicked out and everything is now wonderful.

Then you got to the meat of your statement which is that there are troublemakers in the market and you are putting them on notice that you won't tolerate it.

You first made vague references to a board member who came to one meeting and quit because they had their own agenda . (Actually , not true. I know the person in question and she quit in disgust because of what she perceived as an attempt to influence her thinking and in protest over what she saw as an gutting of the by-laws. )Then you muttered around about how there are troublemakers plural at the market and then you zeroed in on me.

I then sat through what seemed like hours of you castigating me using my name it seemed every other word tho I am probably exaggerating. I admit I was so shocked by your attack that I was not tracking all that well. A friend of mine told me that she was sitting at a table with a customer who had decided to attend the meeting. After listening to you go on about me and all the problems I am causing she turned to my friend and said “ she must be really awful” , to which my friend replied “ I know her and she isn't.”

This is what you did to me on Saturday Randy. There was a room full of people half of whom I don't even know who were left with the impression that I am an awful person. I was and am still so shocked by your vindictiveness that I am not quite sure how to feel. After my initial reaction which was to sue you for a public retraction and apology I started to feel sorry for you and think that I should just turn the other cheek.

But I now have decided that being silent will just allow this atmosphere of intimidation to flourish. Judging from the responses I heard from people after the meeting they are now even more afraid to speak out as they not only risk losing income but also will be a victim of a public lynching

What gave you the moral authority to try and destroy me like that? ? The fact that I had the audacity to question your judgment? Apparently I am not the only one as I know that after the board meeting that started all of this (see email dated August 29 ) at least 2 board members voiced their displeasure at the fact that you obviously had your mind made up before the meeting and were not going to listen to anything that might change it. Didn't that give you pause? And if not , why not ? This just backs my judgment that you are not the right person for the job of president.

According to you all kinds of vendors have repeatedly asked you why you don't just get rid of me. I find it interesting that you never mentioned anyone by name as every time I tried to bring up to the board that there were people that have concerns I was told I needed to be specific about who was complaining. I tried several times to explain that there has been an issue of people feeling intimidated when they spoke so they are afraid and as I have a reputation for speaking out they asked me to be their spokesperson. Saturday was a clear indicator that their concerns are legitimate.

The following are copies of emails which I sent to the board which apparently have had the effect of branding me a trouble maker (at least in your mind) who needs to be removed for the good of the market.

People can make up their own minds based on evidence instead of allegations as to whether I am a “trouble maker “ or a concerned vendor who loves the market and would like to see it be the best it can be.

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meeting Saturday, August 29, 2009 6:19 PM Randy,I would like it to be clear that I was outraged by your immediate angry response of overruled to my objection about the board going into executive meeting to discuss what was said. If you can't take people differing with you perhaps you should as you suggested think about not being president anymore. I also strongly object to your blatant partisanship of Karen before you even heard what was to be said. I felt like you set a hostile tone for the meeting before it even began. Just for the record I didn't come there to get Karen fired., I just wanted to ask why we have so many employees and why she can't do more work then she does. I was not trying to take away her job , I just feel like she needs to do more then just walk around and collect money. That it deteriorated like it did falls squarely in your lap because i felt from the gitgo that I was wasting my breath. Not what I think we need for a president who supposedly represents all vendors. .As for the transparency issue It will be good to get a letter reiterating the boards position I also would like to know who voted how. For you to say that I as a vendor have no right to know a board members position is ridiculous and as was pointed out unprofessional. How can any of the vendors make educated decisions about whom to vote for in the next election if they don't know anything about the board members record such as how often they attended meetings , how they vote on issues etc. Shiloh

Rumors

Tuesday, October 6, 2009 7:42 PM

Randy,
I have heard rumors that at the board meeting tonight you planned to bring up the fact that you think Dennis, Mary and I are stirring up the vendors.

I don't know exactly what that means but let me fill you in on my actions so you will be aware of what I am up to.

I make no secret of the fact that I think we need a completely new board. I have encouraged Carmen to run for president because I was very impressed by her professionalism and her ideas.
I have also encouraged other new vendors to run for above reasons.
I have expressed the opinion that we should have at least one member of the community on the board , my preference would be more.
I have expressed dissatisfaction with the market manager job description. Aware as I am of the duties of mangers of other markets I feel we need a description that is closer to what other markets have and that better suits our needs. .
And just to be very clear I hope that this is an unfounded rumor that you are saying these things as I think it would be highly unprofessional not to mention very bad policy to think that a vendor who has been with the market for many more years then you have has no right to an opinion which does not follow whatever party line you lay down.
As regards the boards decision that Dennis , Mary and I have a personal problem with Karen , that is absurd. Dennis and Mary were upset because it clearly states in the rules that you can be kicked out of the market for violating the rules . Karen told them they were in violation ergo she could kick them out. Of course they were upset.
As for me , I already expressed my opinion of how I thought you behavior escalated the meeting tension unnecessarily . I do feel that Karen is discriminating against me but I probably wouldn't have brought it up if you weren't so rude and hostile from the beginning.
Oh, and I have told vendors my opinion of how the meeting went.
I am pretty sure that I have covered all my sins ...if I think of more I will be sure to let you know.
Shiloh

Victor and DaeDae

Saturday, October 10, 2009 3:28 PM

Board members and vendors,

I have been told by the vice president that you decided today to offer Victor and Dae Dae a choice of returning to the market or being kicked out.

There are 3 market weeks left. Why do something like this that is sure to polarize the market and engender more bad feelings. Do you seriously think that the community won't hear about this . I don;t know how people will feel but judging from the reactions of everyone I've talked to there will be many that find it as outrageous as do I.
The justification is supposedly violation of the by- laws. Excuse me? I was at a meeting where one of the board members admitted she had never even seen the by-laws. I admit that they certainly have been fluidly interpreted this year but this is ridiculous.

When Randy (our current president) threw a fit with Karen while we were still at the armory he was not kicked out. When Linda did the same no one threw her out. Both of them were most certainly in violation of the rules . When Gene swore at Karen he was not kicked out. When Linda's husband swore at Mark (our vice president) today when Mark pointed out that he was to far in the street , no one kicked him out.
I have a suggestion that may solve this problem in a way that will work for all of us. Why don't we as a a market encourage Victor and Dae Dae in their market. They can be viewed as an adjunct instead of liability. Remove the cars and open a middle aisle. I know there are 60 registered vendors but they rarely show up all at once. If there is an overflow let them set up with Victor and Dae Dae.
The farmers market in Corvallis has a craft market directly adjacent to them and they don't have any problem.
I can already see the possibility of an objection which will be the financial loss to the market.
When I started with this market the manage was paid $8.00 and hour and I paid $8.00 booth fee. The manager was in charge of everything including putting out signs. True we did not have a website but now that our website is interactive and we the vendors do it all ourselves there is no need for the manager to maintain it.
There is absolutely no reason why the manage can not maintain the market booth with the help of volunteers ( which we used to have and no longer do for what reason I am not sure.)
We also paid rent on the Armory. Now we have free rent .Why do we need so much money? Well . because we have 3 employees that I personally don't think are necessary. As Carmen brought up at the board meeting , there are a lot of people ready and willing to volunteer if only they are asked and made welcome.
I have also taken it upon myself to ask Gabrielle Mac Entee, the manager /co owner of Mo's if she would be interested in being a community board member if we decide we need one and she has expressed an interest. She shops with us every week and has a strong interest in seeing us continue as a community asset. We have grown enough the years that I feel that it is time to bring us into the 21st century in line with other farmers markets in this state where there is a board that is a mix of community members and vendors both so there will be no chance of anybody ever thinking that there decisions are made based on self interest instead of the good of the market.
It is also important that new members be allowed to participate on committees instead of having their request ignored as happened to one new vendor this year or being told they can not bring a product such as cookies after they had already been accepted as happened to another vendor or being told they might think about looking for another venue next year as perhaps tie-dye would not be allowed next year as was told to yet another vendor. I don't know who the perpetrator of these acts was or even if it was the same person or even a board member but this makes we as a market look bad.
As for moving across the street to the parking lot across from the office this is reinventing the wheel. this was discussed to death by the board I was on when we first made the move and it was decided that it was a very bad idea because of lack of visibility. As far as I can see that still applies. And if we rent Angle street also that there will be the age old question of who goes where .that will be scarily similar to the grass situation. We already have the rumblings about most of the board being on the street not to mention new people ending up there over people with a lot of seniority. Why move the problem. Lets solve it now by setting up an equal playing field. Again, simple solution . No cars. More aisle space.
I am so tired of board members saying to me that I am just trying to stir things up. This is a free society and I have a right to an opinion. I don't agree with the current boards actions and I think there should be a change . So what. What ever happened to freedom of speech not to mention freedom of choice? If enough people agree with me there will be a change , if not life will go on. I will continue to be a member of the market and speak my mind. Just think of me as the loyal opposition party:-).
In closing I also understand that people have said that if there are no cars allowed they will leave the market. That would be sad but that will be their choice. There will always be someone in the wings waiting to replace them. As sad as it may make us feel , none of us are irreplaceable.
Peace
Shiloh

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So Randy, this is my say. I am sorry it has come to this. I would rather have kept this as a civilized disagreement between ourselves but your behavior has made that impossible.

And finally I would like to say that I am delighted with the new board. I am confident that they will be fair in their judgments and work very hard to make our market a healthy atmosphere for vendors and the public alike.

Shiloh Lillith

Newport Farmers Market vendor

Move... Inbox amnesty inter board npt f m newport market